Faithful Curiosity

Don't dismiss an idea before you've fully examined it.

Hi, I’m Alex! Editor, writer, and author. Hello to new subscribers and welcome all to another edition of Chrism and Coffee, a letter about finding meaning in both the sacred and ordinary: plus a roundup of good things to read and eat!

About a year ago, I was four years into running a business. It had gone well, done well, provided for our family. But I was starting to feel that, just maybe, it was time to shift. I didn't know exactly what that would look like. Actually, I had no idea at all. But I started to let myself think about what it could be like to spend my days, my weeks, doing different work.

One evening, Jacob and I were sitting on the couch in our living room talking about work, life, and our creative goals: something we don't do nearly enough (since we’ve become parents, most of our conversations center around what we need from Costco and the last time the baby pooped). He asked me: are you happy running this business? Do you still want to do it? And for the first time ever, I said definitively, "No."

We launched into planning mode. We talked about all the possibilities for my work: scaling the business down. Becoming a simple freelancer rather than a person who manages freelancers. Staying home full-time with the boys. Nothing seemed quite right, so we tabled the discussion. 

Nearly one year later, I logged onto Twitter and saw a post from a publication I’d read and admired for years. They were hiring an editor! My heart plunging into my stomach, I opened the job description. It looked, in some ways, as though it had been downloaded from my own brain, a description of my ideal job. My hands started to perspire and my fingers left damp spots on my keys. They were looking for a full-time employee on-site in Princeton, New Jersey. I swallowed hard. I wasn't sure if I could pull off full-time work, and even more problematically, we had zero plans to move to New Jersey, if we could help it. So I shut my laptop.

Later that night, I mentioned the job to Jacob. “It would never work,” I said, “but it’s cool to see that jobs like this exist.”

“Wait,” he stopped me. “Why don’t you think it’ll work? What if you just ask them if they’d consider a remote hire?”

Well, that never occurred to me. But then again, these things never do. After all, it’s much easier to simply dismiss an idea that might actually work, because that would require a lot of us. Asking for a favor, doing extra work, exposing ourselves to potential criticism and judgment: that’s just…alot.

But, dear reader, I applied for the job, and I got the job, and now I’ve been doing it for five months. And you know what? It’s really working out.

I work from home, and I travel to Princeton every few months. We negotiated. We all, in my view, win in this situation. And the job is really, really fun.

If you'd asked me a few years ago if I would 1) be an employee, not an entrepreneur, 2) work remotely for a nonprofit, 3) travel regularly for work, and 4) do a completely non-legal job as a licensed lawyer, I wouldn't have believed it. It might not even have sounded desirable, to be honest. 

But here's the thing about plans: they change. And desires change, too. Right now, this is ideal for me. For us. For our family.

I share this story because maybe, just maybe, you're in a "what if" place, too. Maybe it's not as radical as shutting down a business and taking a regular job. Or maybe it's far more radical than even that. Maybe you're contemplating a move, a marriage, a baby. Maybe you're looking to end a relationship, or you feel pulled to start a hard conversation, or you’re facing a decision you never thought you’d have to make. Whatever it is, let yourself sit and think: why do I think this would never work? What if it did work? What if?

What IF?

Sometimes, the most faithful thing we can do is allow ourselves to be curious.

Journaling Prompts

• What is working in your life right now? What isn’t working anymore? Perhaps something that worked in the past feels a bit like an ill-fitting garment right now. Let yourself admit that this is a possibility. Write out your thoughts.

• What do you want your life to look like in 2024? How do you want to feel? There are many different possible ways to reach, to access, this vision, so take some time to jot down different possibilities. 

• What ideas, plans, or dreams have you recently dismissed before you've fully considered them? Why were you so quick to dismiss them? What would it be like to re-open the discussion, to reconsider?

An Invitation to You

Pick one thing, big or small, that sounds interesting or appealing, but that you've written off or put off. Figure out what it would be like to dip your toes into it.

For instance, if it's a job opportunity, revise your resume. If it's a potential relocation, do some research on real estate in your target area. If it's starting a business or creative project, think of what you might name your new endeavor.

See what fruits, or what inspiration, come from taking that first step. Explore how it feels to be faithfully curious.

Food to Try

I've made this chicken four times in the past three weeks and every single time, it is a HIT. It's also gluten-free and dairy-free.

Food for Thought

• I love everything Tsh Oxenreider writes and her end-of-year reflection questions always inspire great discussions with Jacob.

• Clare Coffey is one of my favorite writers online, and last year, she penned this incredible piece for The Bulwark on the non-existent “Mary Problem” in my favorite movie of all time, It’s A Wonderful Life:

  It is certainly pleasant but not unduly extraordinary to be a popular and beautiful woman who can marry a rich and popular man if she chooses. It is less ordinary to see, with Mary’s perfect clarity and uncanny certainty, the life and man you want, and to choose it in the teeth of discouragement with all its disadvantages apparent, to persist single-mindedly in the face of hardship. It’s a Wonderful Life is, in part, the story of someone becoming, kicking and screaming, against all intentions and desires, a big man. Mary sees the big man in George from the first, because she is a big woman.

• I was so grateful to moderate this impressive panel for Public Discourse (did I mention I love my job?) on women who make work and life fit together in creative ways.

• This beautiful reflection by Luke Burgis moved me:

  I used to think that I had been entrusted with big things, but I had it all backwards. I have been first entrusted with little things. Many of those little things I neglected in pursuit of that slippery virtue of magnanimity, of great-souled things, but “the cross comes before the crown and tomorrow is a Monday morning." Now I get it.

• Finally, Jacob’s beautiful poem reminds us of the power of sensory memory.

What I've been writing

• Sorry for burying the lede, but I WROTE A BOOK. Hence this very long delay in bringing you another edition of C&C. I wrote a book, and it's in the world, and it's real! PIVOT: the Nontraditional J.D. Careers Handbook, is a book about a topic that I obviously care a lot about: using a law degree in a unique, nontraditional way, and viewing a career path as flexible and malleable rather than rigid. The best part of the eighteen-month writing process was interviewing more than twenty lawyers who pivoted from traditional legal practice to nontraditional careers, from entrepreneurship to tech to advocacy to operations. The book captures their incredible stories, with my own experience woven throughout. Might I suggest that it would make a fantastic Christmas present for a lawyer in your life? 

• I wrote in Public Discourse about the pursuit of the intellectual life for those of us who are mere mortals:

  Welcoming human imperfection in its manifold expressions is a boon for those of us who lack the privilege of full-time scholarship, those of us who operate more like Sertillanges’s narrowly-hemmed-in stream. It is not in spite of, but thanks to, the inherent inefficiencies of our rich and often chaotic lives that so many of us can enjoy the pursuit of intellectual enrichment. In fact, the unexpected monkey wrenches life throws in our plans, perhaps more than anything else, invite us to stretch our minds to places of wonder rather than defaulting to our baser tendencies of frustration and irritability. 

• My debut piece in Plough is on the strange phenomenon of “therapy speak” as a new way of negotiating our commitments to one another:

  Focusing solely on our subjective experiences, on how certain acts or failures to act make us feel, loses sight of the underlying, objective truth about human relationships. And in this context, the truth is that life gives us seasons where the needs of our neighbor or neighbors – what we call the common good – might well threaten our personal bandwidth. We cannot deny our inherent connectedness. It is impossible to move through the world unencumbered by others’ needs.  And this is a good thing. Our most meaningful relationships aren’t an imposition on our own private quests for self-realization, but an intrinsic part of who we are. At our core, we’re made for community.

A Prayer for You

An Advent Prayer

Come, long-expected Jesus. Excite in me a wonder at the wisdom and power of Your Father and ours. Receive my prayer as part of my service of the Lord who enlists me in God's own work for justice.

Come, long-expected Jesus. Excite in me a hunger for peace: peace in the world, peace in my home, peace in myself.

Come, long-expected Jesus. Excite in me a joy responsive to the Father's joy. I seek His will so I can serve with gladness, singing and love.

Come, long-expected Jesus. Excite in me the joy and love and peace it is right to bring to the manger of my Lord. Raise in me, too, sober reverence for the God who acted there, hearty gratitude for the life begun there, and spirited resolution to serve the Father and Son.

I pray in the name of Jesus Christ, whose advent I hail. Amen.

Until next time, with love,

Alex